My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
