Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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