I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
