I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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