Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Let's paint friendship bongs
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
