I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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