She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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