a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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