Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
