So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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