This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
