also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
