Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
