I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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