The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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