im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
