I looked at my own cervix.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
