I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
