i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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