did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
