I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
