We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
