Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
