i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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Do I have a choice?
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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