I need help removing her.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize