I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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