In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
