hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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