im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
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Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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