I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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