Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
