Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
