you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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