Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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