first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
