i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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