Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
