i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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