I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
