I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hippo gnu deer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
