Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
