Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
