You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
