That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
