You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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