do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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