he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
