Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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