Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
