I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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