plz talk dirty to me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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