Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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