Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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