I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
