Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
