What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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