I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
