In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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