Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
