don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
