Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
