the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
this is an emotional support booty call
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
