Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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