What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
