I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
