you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
