you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it glows. i had to have it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
