Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my mouth tastes like poor choices
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
