youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
