When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
