I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We are two peas in an std pod
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
