just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
