I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
