I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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