suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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