I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
