I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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