I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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