im gay
i know
yea but for you.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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