I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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